To help others, I have written a true memoir of my twenty years with Amma. However, because erstwhile friends are unable to attack the veracity of my unwelcome revelations about their teacher and organization, they have untruthfully attacked my character. And they have mischaracterized the Balu story as “memories recovered” rather than “meanings revealed.”
In one of their defamatory blog posts they say that: “if any of the recollections recorded in Gayatri’s book are the product of recovered-memory therapy, then there is good reason to question their validity.”
But I have never done recovered-memory therapy. Like an unforgettable nightmare, my memories of this life phase are vivid. However, for years I suppressed and psychologically denied their true meaning as sexual abuse and rape, not the details of what happened in private with Balu.
When you have an unwanted physical relationship in your mid-twenties, you remember it very well, unlike children. You do not need therapy to reconstruct the event. Besides, the situation was ongoing, which means the memory was constant. If one reads this chapter with an open mind, I clearly express guilt, shame, self-blame, and that I was trying to bury the memories.
Several years after I left, a former Amma friend encouraged me to see an intuitive energy worker, a healer. I found the couple of sessions I had with this woman incredibly helpful. When I wrote the chapter about my sordid experiences with Balu, I did not know how to label this healer’s gifts, so used the words “intuitive counselor”. It was during one of these mostly silent healing sessions that she exclaimed, “You’ve been sexually abused”. No new memories were uncovered. Her words merely allowed me to review my painful memories from a different perspective. Finally, I was able to alleviate some of the guilt and shame, and acknowledge it was sex against my will
Happy you are out of this mess. I wish you all the best. Yeshua carried our sins, sickness, infirmities, iniquities, guilt, shame, etc and nailed them on the cruel cross. And He gave His righteousness. Beautiful / Divine exchange. Today take him as your Savior. He won’t let you down.
Dear Gail you are righteous and holy because of his Holy blood shed for you at the cross and his finished work. Trust Him and Rest in his finished work. Jesus Loves you.
Love and regards
Thank you for this blog post. I am a survivor of infant and toddler sexual abuse by my caregiver. It took me 39 years to understand what happened. Your title is so helpful. It’s not that a memory suddenly popped up, it’s that the meaning of one event was finally revealed with help from a therapist, which allowed me to pivot my perspective.
Gail, I met you at several of the Amma do’s and noted how you moved away when an overweight guy tried to hug you. Now I know why. I have wife who is semi out of it and a daughter who is fully into it but I hope you are well and recovering, Best wishes, Peter Berridge
Bravo!! I just finished reading your book and I just wanted to say thank you! Of all people to have come forward with this information, you have the most credibility to do so. I devoted my heart to Amma for 12 years and as a member of the Seattle satsang I spent hours with my friends chanting, meditating, talking about her and planning our next opportunity to spend time in her presence. I did travel to the ashram in 1995 and I was able to visit chambers in my heart that I had closed due to pain while I read the descriptive words in Holy Hell. I could smell the smells, see the brilliant colors and hear the ongoing noise of that beautiful country. I was unable to put the book down! I firmly redirected my heart away from her in 2002 and yet, I had a hard time finding words to describe my experience. Even after I wrote a research paper on my healing from the cult when I was in college, I still felt my heart was not completely open. Your book has so helped me, especially with your bravery to come forward with the truth. Who would have ever imagined that was going on behind the scenes? Most serious women on the path wished they were you! This information helps the world to see the truth about her and other situations like this. Thank you SO MUCH for your bravery and your willingness to put yourself out there for the world to see. You are greatly loved Gail, and I wish you the absolute best in live! Love Katherine formerly known as Narayani
Hi Katheryn, I am currently reading “Holy Hell” book and it is giving me new insights in the cults and reasons people fall into such things. I would love to read your research paper on healing from the cult – could you please point me to that paper. Thanks
I also wanted to tell you that I was on Maharishi ‘s Mother Divine program for some time. There was no one to worship there although there was a hierarchy . Individually , I met some horrible women there and the treatment I received was often horrible as well. No where could I find anything genuine , other than in the transcendent during meditation . But the field created there , by the devotion , the spiritual practices , was incredible. I had some of the best spiritual experiences of my life there, that influenced my whole life. Maharishi was a Master at creating a space for that field, so people could come in and out of it and experience higher states of consciousness , Personal God , and anything we put our attention on … the transcendental reality was so alive there ..so I have learned , it’s not the personalities , it’s about the field they generate. Amma, to me, had been blessed by God to generate a Divine field that inspired devotion and love … she was blessed with that for sure .. and hundreds and thousands of people and devotion like yours, generated that field which others could walk into , and have a beautiful experience .. this is the entire value of an ashram . Unfortunate that individuals have their personalities and habits ,but it has nothing to do with their cosmic status. Muktandanda had a Guru who literally sat on a pile of his own shit .That’s apparently what people needed to experience to convince them he had something unique. Maharishi has told us that whatever habits you have , those will remain after achieving even cosmic consciousness. So these elevated souls are whatever they were to start out ..that’s what they remain , with all their personality and haibt. But this is nothing compared to what they are inspiring and generating…. the field they generate and inspire, that is something else altogether.
I walked away from the Mother Divine course without one experience of a personal friend … but phenomenal experiences of the Divine and Divine Mother and other lokas… It was like my entire physiology got reprogrammed with another reality that was far more meaningful than mundane day to day waking state consciousness. Also got very deep rest and repair and healing there. So this is the purpose of generating these fields of devotion.
Hope this helps shed some light and enables some to take the goodness from the experience it and cherish it , whatever it may be.
I’ve been serving and livig for Amma 20 years but “back stage” I she revealed as SPIRITUAL FAKER so I had to drop of amma and her SPIRITUAL SHOW.
Amma is fine psychologist knowing how to EXPLOIT THE HUMAN WEAKNESS
Anyway I must admit that even serving an rakshasa (demon) to some extent can be profitabily for a spiritual seeker
I just finished reading your seemingly implausible story and feel drained myself. I say implausible not to the accuracy of your facts but to the un fathomable reasoning which held you captive to an animal of a master!! Halfway through the book I found myself wanting to go back in time and knock some sense into you and everyone else! I guess that’s the beauty of your style of writing and I commend you for that.
I did scour the net searching for a wave of change and defamatory comments that would force amma into a shameful exile…unfortunately she still continues to wield her psychological whip over a million other naive wide eyed devotees who haven’t a clue in the world as to her twisted reality…
Hats off to you ,though, for showing tremendous faith and courage even in the light of such despair and hopelessness. But I do wish you would take a legal step against that scheming,conniving monster and file a case for mental and physical abuse.
My therapist actually asked me if I ever thought of going to Amma for a hug.
At that time, I did not understand this was in-appropriate for a therapist to propose – they are licensed to do psychotherapy rooted in evidence based methods, not religion. (A therapist who does want to function from a religious perspective should advertise as providing pastoral counseling or chaplaincy, btw)
I am very glad that I kept my skepticism and do not go to Amma for a hug. Long before the Rolling Stone article and Gail Tredwell broke the news about Amma, I’d read too many blog reports describing the hug set up as being
like a UPS or Fed Ex processing plant.
But based on what we have since learned about Amma, the processing set up at Fed Ex and UPS is much more
respectful of parcels than Amma has been toward those who have entrusted their hearts to her dubious care.
Some time later, I fired my therapist, after learning he had spent years in submission and obedience to a guru whom he and others considered infallible.
A quite interesting lesson is that guru led organizations tend to respect other gurus — they all form a collection of feudal fiefdoms, though now they are clever enough to exploit American tax exemption of ‘spiritual’ non profits.
And today, the serfs dress in suits and know how to use laptops.
And the serfdom is and feudal submissiveness is either kept secret from society or is decorated with exotic Indian guru theatre.
All one has to do is study the exchange rate of Western currencies vs the Indian rupee to see why so many of these gurus, lamas and avatars keep arriving on our shores.
Those who pay taxes indirectly subsidizes these baronies and the thugs who are sent out to terrorize those who tell the truth.
I left several messages on the blog response:
“http://ammascandal.wordpress.com/” and they were all censored!
I was just saying that all the evidence against Gail were dependent and that there was no contrary opinion.
No wonder, other evidence is censored! What a shame, for a disciple of AMMA for 23 years, to see these sectarian attitudes. They resemble those that took place regarding the reprehensible by the law allegations that concerned Sathya Sai Baba!
Oh Kali, my dear Goddess!
“In the end, I did not find God, but I did find myself. And I thank God for that.” (The last words of your memoir)
That is so true! Because no one can find God! Only God has to find us! God is not lost! We are lost!
I was so lost and God did find me! Hope He finds you too!
I have been trying to get hold of your book, looks like it is banned here in India, the closest I could get is the interview John Brittas had with you which he has published. Being a Indian aplogize to you for all that you have gone trough. Spred your experience to millions of westeners who fall prey to suchtantriks and donate millions. What happened to the poor nurses who protested aganist the merger pay in Amiritha Hospital and the way patients are fleeced there goes to show how that this is just a money laundering facility for those who have illegal money.
I am an Indian too and I do not think the fact that Gail Tredwell suffered at the hands of the Amritanandmayi have anything to do with other Indians. I think it was a horrible experience and Gail will need her time to heal, I also feel these cults do prey on unsuspecting innocent people, but as an Indian, a person from India, an Indian citizen You have anything to apologize for, neither does that large part of India and it’s people who had nothing to do with this!
I feel this book and writing it must have been very cathartic for you and I pray everyday for you and all those that have left or even still trapped in this CULT, to realize the TRUTH. I cannot convey in words the appreciation I have for your courage, persistence and openess. I feel that Balu will be on the verge of suicide, as you mention he was already suffering depression. That will be yet another eye-opener that unfortunately those trapped inside will be unable to see – and continue fooling themselves with Matha’s lame explanations. One thing you ahve stated correctly, fate/karma will give them their due punishment one day or another. Keep faith and know that we are all supporting you and thinking of you daily.
What a great read Gail–my heart goes out to you.Most ‘Aussie’ women I have known, are up-front, no nonsense kind of–tell it like it is gals. That fact alone from your culture, made you more mentally impacted by the abuse. An Indian woman could have become co-dependent with total acceptance and of course could never have written your much needed book.
My husband suffered horrible abuse as a child from much the same scenario, I will just say ‘celibacy’ is a joke. Don’t let the ‘Turkeys’ get you down dear girl, many people need your help!
What people fail to realize is the reach and spread of an organization such as this. People who speak out might just disappear. It is a cult mind you. And Gail didn’t leave. A classic case of Stockholm syndrome. I as a keralite, Hindu and above all an Indian beg for your forgiveness.
hello Gail Treadwel, have seen your interview on kairali tv with John Brittas, its horrible than what heard. i salute your courage, definitely the interview is an eyeopener for everybody against the human gods and the cheats in the name of GOD.
special thanks to John Brittas and kailari tv for giving a platform to Gail and your support to humanity.
No doubt, what ever you have mentioned could have happened ,but there seems to be lot of loopholes in your narration.Mind you, I am totally against any of these Spiritual corporations who do 5% charity and 95 % siphoning of the donations.
I feel the reason for you to run away was something else, may be you felt sidelined because of these points which does not have clarity.
1.Why couldn’t you have left the Ashram much earlier when many devotees had left.People who had left could have also worried of a backlash from Ashram.
2.How could you tolerate the ‘rape’ unless you had willingly taken part in this .Least you could have divulged this to Amma since you were so close to her.
3. Why could you have not divulged all this at least to one of your close friends in the Ashram much earlier or even to an outsider friend of yours.
4. You met Amma after you ran away and even accepted their money. May be,had they offered you a large sum of money or a free hand in running an Ashram in Australia you would have returned,
I can be convinced of the allegations only if more devotees come up with the so called truth.
To each his own. Neither is Gail or anyone trying to convince you or anybody to believe / disbelieve anything. You can always concoct stories and reasons to ignore life’s lessons from one person as warnings and be a foolish sheep.
In a world of 7.2 billion, nobody cares about you or more like you. Keep waiting till all the devotees come out with the truth. This is exactly what organisations like the one exploit and grow into a monstrous cult.
Thank you for these revelations!
These devotees serve Amma in Ashram to get express ticket to God by ignoring their real Amma at home or other elder women who need help and care.
We can term this as spiritual entrepreneurship…
There are customers/ignorant people ready to buy Hindu spirituality merely through a hug or kiss!
Sell spirituality,get donations and do a wonderful business by it.
All anti social animals are hidden inside Ashrams in India….not just in Vallikkavu…everywhere north to south!
It’s a shelter for criminal swamis as no police will raid Ashrams’s and Politicians do not dare to touch Ashrams because of the huge vote banks associated with them.
And anything to do with religion in India gets blown out of proportion…even though it has got nothing to do with Hindu religion.
Actual Hindutva says “Aham Brahmasmii” which means “you are divine or the “god is inside you ” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advaita_Vedanta)
We don’t need Ashrams.We need institutions to teach real essence of each religion.
Please act legally against the Ashram,you will get all the needed support. We are there with you!
hello gail, if your revelations are true, you did a great thing that you made a torch in to illegal, illicit, relations and looting of people who are the deciples. Pls reveal more then you will get the moksha from sins that you participated in former days in the name of god. Thanking you.
I’m an Indian girl, and a big admirer of your boldness and support you for your bold stand.
I saw your interview, and began respecting you more, though I am yet to read the book.
Only if people like you tell the world the truth, can people see more clearly how shallow they have been to be cheated like this.
I only hope your belief in indian culture and and spirituality hasn’t reduced. There are gurus like Swami Sandeepanandagiri, who tells the world the meaning of all our holy books, and how to seek what we have wandered for. If only people could distinguish between the real and fake.
with loads of love and admiration,
Its really sad that you have suffered such hardships in your life while following a self proclaimed god-man to know GOD..
You got exploited in your young ages and you were unknowingly part of establishing a big “belief market”, a business world by exploiting the neediness of human beings.
We really appreciate your effort to enlighten the mass who got mystified by the god-man , charity. And trying hard to expose wrong doings of some human beings.
God-man is a symptom of uneducated ,unscientific and illogical society and every GOD today was a god man or myth Yesterday.
Exposing god man is just a part of the story that you are doing with your life, educating the mass about science and scientific method is the other part.
As a Malayali, I express sorry since you got exploited in my part of the world and all the best for fight against your exploiters.
Happened to see your interview . It was really heart touching. I was amazed with your courage and your concern for humanity.
Just remember that even if hundreds hate you today, a day will surely come when they will realize what you said was true.
A day will come when truth prevails.
Do not worry Gale, if hundreds are hating you today, there are hundreds loving you and praying for you today.
Remeber truth is always bitter but at the end it is what prevails forever.
We are with you Gale,
GOD is with you.
Keep your prayers.
Keep your hope..
You have taken a great move in throwing lights towards the minds of those cowardliness, blind believers. The people have been misguided by the nexus among politicians, criminals and this sorts of human goddess. As these greedy people always look for opportunities, and they found that naive beliefs might give them new areas to explore. They have been utilizing the innocence of common man with the support of political parties.
Gail, thank you so much for your courage in giving the world the truth behind the false guru. Now you’ve made it easier for others to come forward in an effort to help others as well. I also want to thank you for the beautiful statement you made through Holy Hell that “spirituality is no longer about self-denial, but about becoming whole.”
I can’t speak about amma, but I too have been on a similar path after leaving the false guru machine of Siddha Yoga and the deceitful gurumayi who disappeared with millions, following exposés by former monks and close devotees on SY’s violence, corruption, sexual abuse and manipulations. I also read your blog, Truth Telling vs. Silence, and truly appreciate your perspective. I knew people whose lives and family (including children) were threatened by Siddha Yoga’s guru machine after speaking out even knowing others had been beaten, thus suffering the vicious bombardment of brainwashed unquestioning devotees.
There were some really beautiful people who I would still want to call ‘friend’ from the cult, but the veil is so strong that they cling to their fears of not wanting to break misguided images of purity, goodness and devotion. Unfortunately for some, the definition of love includes self-denial and maliciousness in the name of devotion. Through all that we were supposed to learn about love in the false ashram, self-accountability seems to have been totally overlooked and its so very disappointing to watch how so many of us devotees chose to behave as we clung so desperately to be “in the clique” of false guru devotion. Even her monks and management practiced shunning and tantrums in place of teaching through loving acceptance, compassion, respect and consideration. The true definition of love and what it looks like when it manifests in true form was never taught in Siddha Yoga whose cult-culture was denial of all emotion and escape into “transcendence”, further pummeling into us that chasm of self-disconnect. Today, I am very much an advocate of grounded well-being and wholeness, and am grateful you have come forward in your special way to help this world move toward light out of the trappings of darkness, which is sometimes cloaked in false goodness.
I think spirituality cannot be marketed like cosmetic. The point is where money comes in the context of worldliness comes in. We have a tradition of great Gurus like Swami Sreenarayan, Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, Raman Maharshi who showed us that they were but normal people with enormous intellectual understanding of the world. Inorder to attain God we have to renounce the sensual desires as we must pay the cost for it in the form of suffering. They also preached that its God himself will show the way out of this world when the right time arrives. You are only the servant and the Masters the spirit which I have experienced. You have been an instrument in exposing such frauds… They have the money, muscle power and the political clout…………You are brave indeed and purest of the pure souls who had the courage to expose these people……….
The essence of Kundalini lies in self realization………I pray for your healing and good will………..
The truth and dharma shall prevail.
You must be aware that serious discussions are now in progress about your Holy Hell in, India,between amma supporters and general public who view the woman as a fraud, cheating the people of the world, and enjoying sexually with many men as well as amassing wealth and fame. You have done a great service to common people like us, by bringing out the truth to the world. I really appreciate your work, and am now becoming a fan of you. And also happy that you have at last found the happiness, peace and the God in you, so that the world of god is within yourself.
Amritanandamayi is another in the list of fraudsters in the long list – Sai Baba, Muktananda, Nithyananda, Asaram Bapu ….. the list is long.. Knowing cult psychology and brainwashing involved in all these organisations, and the extent to which the followers lose their individual thinking and rationality, it is quite conceivable that all the events that Gail mentions in the book are true.
May the Almighty God, whom we all believe in, heal your wounds.
When it comes to these Human Gods, it is so evident that we are being cheated, yet we all fall for them. It has been this way for centuries and it still continues. I bet every one of the follower experiences the cheating but chooses not to see it for something they believe is the common good, or because the fear that god’s wrath, or are the benefited so much that the chose to ignore the obvious truth?
God is being sold everywhere, because WE are ready to buy it! There is nobody to be blamed, but ourselves – for things are this way and always will be, because we chose to neglect our intellect and we teach the same to our children. Haven’t we been doing this for eons? A change will come only if we stop doing this and use our brains and also encourage the next generations to use their brains.
what i have noticed, these so called human goods comes mostly from poor back grounds & guided by the thirst of earning wealth and luxuries. mostly the were successful of making a group, which includes common man,influential politicians, even government officials to support them thereby their unquestionable place is secured in the society.
i definitely think, Ms.Gail must have canvased to bring in some more people or friends to this group, where they are now, you don’t think you spoiled them too.
you become fortunate to escape, pray for others too.
Thank you Ms. Gail for the courage you have shown to expose the financial & sexual fraud being committed by “human gods” in the name of religious enlightenment in Kerala, India where we boast as “God’s own country” but when we see such incidents, I have to say ” devils own people”. As an Indian, let me offer my sincere apology for the pain you received from my fellow citizens. It has no relation with true Hinduism. Many of the religious charitable organizations in India are headed by unscrupulous criminal minded people who become “god” by themselves ( whether hindu, Christian, Muslim …. etc etc no matter ) & become crime centre being supported by corrupt politicians & money and pleasure hungry authorities. In Hinduism it is “KALIKALAM” in Christian belief it is END TIME. If anybody try to expose them, the whistle blower will be persecuted either by framing them as MAD or power hungry rebel or frustrated disciple. Real God is within each of us, that is the truth in us. When we stand up for Truth, it is natural that we will get crucified as Jesus Christ was crucified who stood against the religious hypocrisy of that time. When we depart from truth, we slowly become part of devil’s work. I thank God for Ms. Gail got saved out of HELL. Do not loose heart with criticism, trust God. May God bless Ms. Gail. Your book may save many from such human made HELL.
Happy that u took the courage to get out of that Holy hell and lead a wholsome life.Read ur book and my bloodpressure almost droped thinking about the trauma u have gone through…good work dear.all the best to ur future..
Gail, the Peace that passeth understanding cannot be found, however hard one searches for it, it can only be received by simply asking for it. We live our lives here on earth searching and seeking, and the more we look for it in different corners, and believe that mere mortals can show us the way, the greater the disappointment and the sense of being let down.
Remember; unless the yoke is easy and the burden light, you are in the wrong place with the wrong people. The Truth, the Way and the Life is your for the taking… if you only Believe. And if you cant, you only have to close your eyes and say it with your heart “Lord I believe, help Thou my unbelief!”
God bless you abundantly, Gail.
Thanks you for at last opening your broken mind and soul to the world. Really you earn, learn more about life from down to earth. my quest that, what you prefer is you life in childhood in Australia or that hell life in India? I am also from kollam, almost 25km away from amma. frankly saying we never given that much importance in the amma. I exited how you people gave more interest in finding god in ugly way. still you have time to learn more about the life and life with social commitment.
however, I am sad about your 20years suffering and lost your life for nothing and also even after 20years of suffering you opened the way for the innocent public to know more about closed asramam inside what is going on?
Exactly tell me still what is your mind regarding the Indians attitude. Also I would like to meet you if I will get any chance to see you in my live eye. now am in Middle east and would like to discuss more about your down to earth suffering ie still unbelievable !!!! My regards to your family members, father , mother ,brother , sister, if any body l left also. Hope you should be in mankind and stay with your sibiling with at least fair life with anxiety for finding peace with god. Hope 20years of suffering and doctrine, you can get together your father and mother in a family life and happy in their further life.
peace be upon you,
your in love
I read the book full. Didn’t feel any shock. What is going on there is true for all groups of various religions , who sell spirituality in India. Goverment machinery fear them as polititians are heavily involved. Public awareness will reduce the number of victims.
My dear Gail,
I am an Indian, a non-residing Keralite. Read your book, can’t express in words how much shocked it made me. I was in neutral grounds about her earlier, but now I feel so much hatred for her. This woman has made a cult of hers all over the world and millions of blind followers. Those innocent people who blindly support her and live for her, never realize the depth of the folly they are committing. If only they would be a little rational and logical, if only they could control their minds… And the whole cult is now against you, as you would have expected before writing the book. And it is so obvious from the way the Math people are reacting and coming forward with allegations, that there is really something fishy. Why can’t they agree or initiate a proper investigation into the matter and come out clean if they are clean? In Ramayana, Sita came unscathed in the fire test. A simple thing that this woman has had her periods regularly, can be proved so easily, right?
Be strong and brave, relax, know that there are also millions of people in this world who believe you and empathize with you.
You have been very courageous in writing your memoir. Thank you for sharing your story so that innocent people do no fall prey to such manipulative and abusive people. God bless and protect you. You are very lucky to have got out of the ashram alive and heal from the extensive emotional, physical and sexual abuse. I hope that God will being these sociopaths to justice.
I downloaded your book today from Amazon. I am sorry to hear all the troubles you had gone through during your association with this fraud saint. I sincerely hope your book is an eye opener to everyone in India and abroad who throng to so called God Men and God Women for peace and spirituality. I only wish the Governments in India and abroad file criminal case against Madha Amritha. Mother is a holy word. I am certain that lady does not deserve to be called by that name. Gail , I am happy that you have come out of your ordeal both physical and mental . May God bless you .Take care of yourself.
Here nothing new, it has been common everywhere?
Why did she stay there for 2 decades suffering all this ordeals and sexual harrassment.
Something to be brokenout about the author as well as Mutt.
My opinion, Goverments should form a body for supervising those kind of Mutts of any religion. If there is anyone guiding people to ignorence and making benifit from innocent people, should be stopped and investigated. Nothing accept blindly.
Let me share my understanding on hindu philosophy: it gives human the freedom to take it in any form, his understanding on the meaning and purpose of his life and the big question of the existance of a GOD. one can attain ‘moksha’ either through spirituality or through nature service. ‘moksha’ is is needed for those who thing there is a purpose of his birth. As far as ms.gail is concerned, she climbed the 18 steps( of sabarimala) to read ‘Tatwamasi’ or ‘Aham Brhmasmi’. ‘Veda’ are verbal out bursts from the intellectuals of the veda period, a result of their hard brain storming. Such deep thoughts drove them to states of subconscious mind and once they returned from that states they believed themselves as the thoughts were revelations from God. Now a days, to do a good business with illegal resources is to cover up with charity. The solution is to make accountable all kind of charity works in the country.
I read your excellent book and posted my comments on Amazon. I wonder whether you were able to recover your handwritten diaries of 20 years from the Math after you left. They would obviously provide credible evidence against any slander or defamation action aimed at you. Even your original typed copy on the laptop can be handy.
India is a huge swamp of ‘holy’ fraud. With new money coming into people, the whole ‘baba’, ‘amma’ and ‘ashram’ business is booming like never before. People who don’t pay their taxes, (and those who do) go pour money into the laps of these ‘holy’ men and women. All that money and their well connected disciples makes these men and women very powerful and dangerous. The desperately ill and unhappy may be excused in indulging in such ‘devotion’, but most ‘invest’ in religion in the belief that it multiplies wealth. Then there are the ‘spiritual seekers’ who are desperate to dump their bodies and get liberated . Including the confused westerners.I feel sorry for this Gail lady, but cannot admire her choices in life. Why do these westerners need to come all the way and mess with these things to find meaning in life? Every tradition and civilization has the means to provide meaning to the life of individuals. There is religion in the west, for the pure of heart to use, there is deep philosophy and scholarship. If only you can muster the discipline to not plunge into drugs, alcohol and casual relations, one could be as spiritual in the west as in India. One can cultivate true simplicity in any part of the world. One can read, and follow and understand the philosophies from other parts too, if one chooses.Why not learn to think from ones own mind and feel from ones own heart? And most importantly, apply discrimination?
Iris stop commenting about holy India…. India is the country with rich heritage and these mutt and holy people are sacrificed their life to promote education… Food and shelter to so many below poverty line people…. One or two people like maata amritanandamayi or nithyananda will be there in all religions … There are lot of corrupted fathers and mothers are there in your religion also.. Who are funded by foreign missionaries and trying to spread Christianity in India and people like bennihin posing like Saint looting people…
My dear friends; especialy keralites, the secrets that Gail has revealed through the book is very important and wonderful. But i am not finding anything special as now these type of Ahrams and Dioseas are puely business. Let me ask you a question ? Why people (devotees) are running behind these type of man Gods/Godess. 99.99% of such ashrams, chirtian, Muslims organisations etc. are running only for money making and sex. They never love God. If they do not love God how they can love human being ? They have evil lust and once they get chance it will come out . I have saturated proofs of many incidents about christian priest, Bhishops and swamys. I know many Bishops do sexual abuse to girls, ladies and even kids too. If they caught finally they say sorry…. and their dinomination support and fight for them in court. The real Almighty God never support such things- This all are acts of evil. So my dear friends be away from such man Gods and priests. Please remember God will never make you financial rich but God will fullfill your all needs. But evil demon only will make you rich and will support your all bad deeds, but demon never warns your bad future and horrible aftereffects. Also please remember one day there is an end for this wordly life, it longs maximum of 😯 or 90 of your age. But after that you have an eternal life either in heaven or hell. So you have the right to choose which one is good and bad, use your brain and real God’s power through belief. May God bless you.
She is acorporate tycoon none other than among many humamn godsprevailing in indian society, thebookof gail pl reveals the facts onece again her devoutees to rethink and understandthe reality
I had been once hugged by the lady in question, but that didn’t add up to much. Right behind her was Gayatri or Gail. She poked Amma and she gave me two wrapped candies. I felt that Gail was controlling her. She, I believed, was a total control freak.
Now reading her book – it gives hints of power struggle – I, a psychologist, feel that it could all be true. Balu could have used the most primitive weapon men use to subdue female competitors – rape.
Happy that you found your voice.
I hope Ms. Gail remeber Sreeeni Pattathanam.
The revelations made are just confirmation of what i have heard as whispers and “myths” about Amma since young. I am keralite living abroad and in this country even, i know(personally close to) many of her supporters and followers. The extent of their faith in her cant be more well explained from my own experience. As i said some of my family friends are devout devotees of her, and just last year i was down with dengue fever, escaping the clutches of the virus the first thing one of my family friends did was to bring me to one of her gatherings here and get a holy string tied by her ardent devotee. I was even more amused when they gave me a handful of flowers and said you have her blessings now nothing will harm you. She was placed high up there along with the multitude of gods we pray to. And now as i hear the news where different critiques are critiquing the book and questioning why it took so long to get published, the first answer i wished i could tell them is ” try writing a book about the life you had”. This book is definitely something for everyone to consider about following a cult blindly, blind faith may not always be as pleasant as we think it may be. So instead of critiquing this book i think everyone should sit back and tell themselves to be cautious of what or who they are following..
Good that you wrote something against that lady. But why all higher level peoples like IAS, IPS, politician, Business Magnet etc are visiting this lady
That’s why we can’t expect any investigation on this .
Simply wasting our comments and time
Thanks a lot Gail,
you have done a wonderful service to the entire humanity by coming out public to say what you went through at Amma’s ashram. You have every right to do this. By doing it you have liberated yourself from the shame you were experiencing all the way. Wish you all the best in your future life. But remember that there are many more prison walls you have to scale for attaining your ultimate freedom. If you need my help feel free to contact me.
Hats off to you for this bold step.India is a country where even ordinary men are made Gods in seconds. The funny side of the story is that all these people manage to find followers too. Your book is an outcry towards the blind faith of People. I personally find it quite hard to believe that these corporate groups are holy and corruption free.
Finally one of her former disciples have revealed the truth related to that so-called ‘amma’. I hate these spiritual blackmailers in every aspect. She is not fit for sainthood. She is a traitor, smuggler and these ashrams are mere stations for her illegal activities. She has no special powers. And all her devotees have become fools by Ms.Tredwell’s revelations.My hometown is amritapuri and many of my relatives are residing there . Nobody believes her spiritual powers in her hometown. I appreciate Ms.Tredwell to bring her secrets to public .Govt. of India has not taken any action to reveal her swiss bank account details. She has grown to that much. Ms.TREDWELL please take care of yourself.
Kudos Gail ! Appreciate your courage and frankness. As a woman, I can understand what you would have gone through during those 20 years.
ഗെയിലിന്റെ അമ്മയോടോപ്പമുള്ള ജീവിതം റിപ്പോർട്ടുകളിലൂടെ കുറെ വായിച്ചു. ഗെയിൽ, നിങ്ങൾക്ക് ഒരു പുസ്തകമെഴുതുവാൻ തക്ക വിഷയം ഉണ്ടാകാം. എന്നാൽ പുസ്തകത്തിലേ കാര്യങ്ങളിൽ വിസ്വ്വസിക്കണം എന്നു കരുതാൻ രേഖകളായി എന്തു തരുവാൻ ഉണ്ട്?. പറയുന്ന കാര്യങ്ങൾക്ക് എന്തെങ്കിലും രേഖകൾകൂടി ഉണ്ടാകേണ്ടതാണ്. അത് നിങ്ങളുടെ കൈവശം ഉണ്ടെന്നും കരുതട്ടെ. അല്ലെങ്കിൽ ഇത് പുസ്തകം ചിലവാകാൻ എഴുതിയ കഥയുടെ ഗണത്തിലേക്ക് വിലയിരുത്തപ്പെടും.അമ്മയോടോപ്പമുള്ള ജീവിതം 20വർഷംവും അനുസരിച്ച് എങ്ങിനെ പരാതികൾ ഇല്ലാതെ സഹിച്ചു? എന്തിനായിരുന്നു അത്?. അതിൽനിന്നും നിങ്ങൾക്ക് ലഭിച്ച നേട്ടം എന്തൊക്കെയായിരുന്നു?..ഇത്രയും വലിയ ക്രൈം നിങ്ങൾക്കെതിരെ നടന്നിട്ടും കേസ് നിയമ നടപടികളിലേക്ക് പോകാൻ നിങ്ങൾ എന്തുകൊണ്ട് തയ്യാറായില്ല, തയ്യാറാകുന്നില്ല.?
As mentioned above we most of keralites know this is a business. Lot of westerners are stilll working there. Lot of people watching people who come there. Lot of secrets dealing ongoing. And it known RSS and Sangh Parivar HQ of South. Wealth and political influence shows what will happen if someone die (recent north Indian youth tragic death). This will go ahead because there are lot of people getting benefit from this Amma Industry. However thank you that come forward atlast to tell your experience.
I used to study at one of the many institutions run by Amma’s math. No one in my family is a devotee. However, none of us hold anything against her. During the time I was a student at the institution, I was part of all the services that was carried out by the ashram. As a 19 year ol, all of the activities seemed very much aimed for the society’s well being. It still does. Because what we did as student was done from the bottom of our hearts. But being a part of all the festivals organised by the ashram to celebrate Amma’s birthday, or any any other temple festivals I was able to see another side of the organisation. Although Amma calls all of her devotees her children, there is a very strong hierarchical discrimination that takes place in the ashram. There’s a special VIP section of devotees among the devotees who are given special preference. I have also understood that nothing is as clean and clear as it seems from outside or as they make it out to be. I dont know if Amma is privy to all that’s going on in the math or not. But one thing’s for sure, all’s not as well as it seems. And to me, Gail Tredwell’s book only strengthens my opinion. At the same time , there’s a section of people or rather followers or devotees I’ve come across, who actually follow her “teachings”. Such people actually believe and follow in some true and honest values and principle that the Math claims to be built upon. People in India are never gonna speak up against any atrocities (if ) conducted by such religious leaders or organisations. Anyone who has tried to has regretted his/her decision or has been made to regret it. I hope this book opens up a new way of looking at religious leaders and organisations. I do not believe that any of these organisations or people are completely bad. Because they are (atleast some of them ) are built upon certain values that are a foundation to the society. However we should know where to draw the line.
Your courage is really appreciated.In my childhood i heard lot of good story about Amma,u n one men always with Amma.Like you and that person joined Amma for peace of mind.You scratch your hands because for outside function she didn’t take u.Then Amma took u n u had some issues there n u realize why Amma refused to take there.Another story was,she laughed at some walking trouble n next moment u knock down same.Then Amma told dnt laugh at others.These r stories i heard from my aunt.So i blindly believed in Amma in childhood.Have never heard bad as other Swami.I used to think is Amma really True or Something hidden.Very Thankful to you for clearing my doubts.Let it b an inspiration to other victims to speak up & save others.We trust you !!!
Who told that noone knows? Its an ‘Open Secret’ where I reside. I reside in the District of Kollam, the very district the Amritapuri is located. Moreover, there is an Amma ashram just next plot to my house. Yet, I have never seen herself visiting this ashram. You may ask anyone in the neighbourhood and no-one would say that ‘Amma’ is a saint. Each one have a negative story to share about!
Nijad, I just wish these people who lived close to this woman and who know things would speak out. If people have information to confirm what Gail is saying then please post online. On this site or to another. This site has a section for testimonials as well:
എന്റെ അറിവില് അമൃതാനന്ദമയിയ്ക്ക് ശിഷ്യരില്ല. കാരണം അമൃതസ്വരൂപാനന്ദ പുരി ഉള്പ്പെടെയുള്ളവര് ആദി ശങ്കരാചാര്യര് രൂപപ്പെടുത്തിയ ദശനാമ സന്യാസപ്രകാരം ( സരസ്വതി, തീര്ത്ഥ, ആരണ്യ, ഭാരതി, ആശ്രമ, ഗിരി, പര്വ്വത, സാഗര, വന, പുരി. details: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dashanami_Sampradaya ) ദീക്ഷ സ്വീകരിച്ചവരാണ്. അതുകൊണ്ടാണ് അമൃതസ്വരൂപാനന്ദ എന്നതിനോടൊപ്പം പുരി എന്നതുംകൂടി ചേര്ക്കുന്നത് (ദശനാമ സന്യാസസമ്പ്രദായത്തില്പ്പെടുന്നത്). അതിനര്ത്ഥം ആരാണോ ബാലഗോപാലിന് അമൃതസ്വരൂപാനന്ദ പുരി എന്ന നാമധേയത്തോടെ സന്യാസ ദീക്ഷ നല്കിയത് അവര് ദശനാമ സന്യാസ ദീക്ഷ വിധിപ്രകാരം സ്വീകരിച്ചവരായിരിയ്ക്കണം. അമൃതാനന്ദമയി എന്ന പേര് ഉണ്ണികൃഷ്ണന് നിര്ദ്ദേശിച്ചതാണ് എന്നാണ് ഞാന് അറിഞ്ഞത്. അമൃതാനന്ദമയിയ്ക്ക് ഗുരുവില്ല എന്നാണ് അറിയുന്നതും. അതിനര്ത്ഥം അമൃതാനന്ദമയി സ്വയം ദശനാമ സന്യാസ ദീക്ഷ സ്വീകരിച്ചിട്ടില്ല എന്നും ആയതിനാല് അവര്ക്ക് നേരിട്ട് ആര്ക്കും സ്വയം ദീക്ഷ കൊടുക്കുവാന് കഴിയുകയില്ല എന്നുമാകുന്നു. അല്ലെങ്കില് അമൃതാനന്ദമയി സ്വന്തമായി ഒരു സന്യാസവിഭാഗം പുതിയ പേരോടുകൂടി ആരംഭിയ്ക്കണമായിരുന്നു. അതുണ്ടായിട്ടില്ല,എന്നുമാത്രമല്ല, നിലവിലുള്ള ദശനാമസന്യാസത്തെ അവര്ക്കിഷ്ടമുള്ള വ്യക്തികള്ക്ക് (ബാലഗോപാല്, വേണുഗോപാല് etc.) ദശനാമ സന്യാസദീക്ഷയെടുത്തവരെക്കൊണ്ട് നല്കുകയാണ് ചെയ്തത്. അതിനാല്, പ്രാഥമികമായി, ആരില്നിന്നാണോ ബാലഗോപാല് മുതാലയവര് ദീക്ഷ സ്വീകരിച്ചത് അവരുടെ ശിഷ്യരാവുകയാണ് സംഭവിച്ചത്. ഫലത്തില് അമൃതാനന്ദമയിയ്ക്ക് നേരിട്ട് സന്യാസ ശിഷ്യരില്ല. ആരില്നിന്നാണോ സന്യാസ ദീക്ഷ സ്വീകരിക്കുന്നത് അവരാണ് ഗുരു. സന്യാസ ദീക്ഷ സ്വീകരിച്ചാല് പിന്നീട് ഗുരുവിനെ മാറ്റുവാന് പാടില്ല. അപ്പോള് അമൃതസ്വരൂപാനന്ദ ഉള്പ്പെടെയുള്ളവരുടെ ഗുരു, ആരാണോ അവര്ക്ക് സന്യാസദീക്ഷ കൊടുത്തത് അവരാണ്. എങ്ങനെ അമൃതസ്വരൂപാനന്ദപുരി അമൃതാനന്ദമയിയുടെ സന്യാസ ശിഷ്യനാകും? യഥാര്ഥത്തില്, മാതാ അമൃതാനന്ദമയി ദേവി സ്വയം സന്യാസം (ചടങ്ങുകള്പ്രകാരം നാമധേയവും ദീക്ഷയും) സ്വീകരിച്ചിട്ടുമില്ല.
Meera Nanda’s article, ‘India’s Superstition Industry’ gives a lot of background information and will help readers understand just why it is so dangerous for resident Indians to speak out concerning mega gurus and abuses
നന്ദി! പുസ്തകം വാങ്ങണം. ഗെയിലിന്റെ അനുഭവങ്ങളുടെ നിജ:സ്ഥിതിയെക്കുറിച്ച് നേരിട്ടറിയില്ല. പക്ഷേ ഒരു കാര്യം പ്രധാനപെട്ടതാണ്. സന്യാസയോഗം ഒരാള്ക്കുണ്ട് എന്ന് അമൃതാനന്ദമയി അറിഞ്ഞത് തെറ്റായിരുന്നു എന്ന യാഥാര്ത്ഥ്യം ഇവിടെ തെളിയുകയാണ്. ഏറ്റവും അപൂര്വ്വവും അവസാനത്തെ ജന്മവുമാണ് സന്യാസം. ഒരാള് സന്യാസിയായി എന്നതിനര്ത്ഥം സ്വയം സാക്ഷാത്ക്കരിച്ചു (സ്വയം അറിയല്) എന്നുകൂടിയാകുന്നു. അതിനുശേഷം മുമ്പുണ്ടായിരുന്ന ജീവിതം പൂര്വ്വാശ്രമമായിത്തീരുന്നു. ഗയില് ട്രെഡ് വെല് 1999നു ശേഷം ഗായത്രിയും അമൃതപ്രാണയുമല്ല. സാധാരണ ഗയില് ട്രെഡ് വെല്. ഈ ജീവിതാവസ്ഥയില് സംഭവിച്ച മാറ്റത്തെക്കുറിച്ച് അമൃതാനന്ദമയിയ്ക്ക് നേരത്തെ അറിയുവാന് സാധിച്ചില്ല എന്നതിലാണ് ഏറ്റവും വലിയ പരാജയം. അതുകൊണ്ട് ഇപ്പോള് താങ്കള് പറയുന്ന കാര്യങ്ങള്ക്ക് മഠം മറുപടി പറയേണ്ട സാഹചര്യം നിലനില്ക്കുന്നു.
Thanks! I should buy this book. I don’t know the fact of Gail Tredwell’s experience. But one thing is important. Amritanandamayi has failed in knowing whether, a person has sanyasa (saint) life and it is proved here. Sanyasa (saint) is very rare and it is allowed in the last birth. A peson becomes a monk, which means that he has attained self realization and so his prior life becomes the Poorvashram. After 1999, Gail Tredwell is neither Gayatri nor Amirtaprana but simply Gail Tredwell. So Amirtanandamayi couldn’t realise the changes in Gail Tredwell’s life and this exactly is the defeat. Therefore, now it is the duty of the Math to give explanations for your arguments.
As far as I know, there is no disciples for Matha Amritananda Mayi Devi because persons including Amritha Swaroopananda Puri has taken initiation under Dashanama Sanyasa (Saraswati, Tīrtha, Aranya, Bharati, Asrama, Giri, Parvata, Sagara, Vana, Puri. details: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dashanami_Sampradaya) which Aadi Shankaracharya has formed and that is the reason Puri is also added to the name of Amritha Swaroopananda. So those who have named Balagopalan as Amrita Swaroopananda Puri should have already taken initiation (sanyasa deeksha) according to the rituals of Dashanama Sanyasa. As far as I know, the name Amrithanandamayi Devi was suggested by Unnikrishnan.There is no Guru (Preceptor) for Amritananda Mayi Devi so it means Amritanandamayi Devi didn’t take initiation under Dashanama Sanyasa and so Amma cannot directly give initiation to other disciples or otherwise Amma should have formed new saint sect with the new name and rules and this has also not happened, not only that, Amritanandamayi has given initiation to her liked ones through others, who have already taken Dashanama sanyasa. So here basically, Balagopal, venugopal etc. have become the disciples of those from whom they have taken the initiation. As a result there is no direct disciple for Amitanandamayi Devi. From whom one takes initiation (sanyasa deeksha), he is the Guru (Preceptor) for them. After the initiation, the Guru should not be changed. Then the Guru for the persons including Amirtaswaroopananda is the person who have given them the initiation. So how can Amirta Swaroopananda Puri become the disciple of Mata Amirtananda mayi Devi? Actually, Amritanandamayi didn’t take initiation ( according to the rituals of naming and initiation) of Sanyasa (Saint).
This is a lot to take in. You’ve had 14 years to process. It is like I have to come to this by degrees.
What I’ve been hearing from various people is, “If this is true, why doesn’t anyone else come forward?”
[I heard there was a Westerner who said she burned cafe receipts per Amma’s orders. That’s one person.]
re: Sex with Swamis
Then I think, the Westerners who have been privy to Amma’s room are mostly still devotees, though there are a few who aren’t.
There are Indians who have stayed and some who have gone. The Indians who have left might want to speak but are afraid to do so given the ashram’s influence and the general corruption in India. They might fear for their safety.
If someone is to speak out, they probably need to be a Westerner or Indian living in the West. There are only a handful of these people, and even they might not have seen anything. If Indian living in the West, they might fear repercussions against family still in India, or having their business and social reputations undermined.