“If you cannot attack the message, then attack the messenger.”
Now that many of my former friends, who I cared for immensely, have had the opportunity to serve their guru by untruthfully maligning my character in response to my truthful memoir, I feel it is time to shed some light on the reality of the situation. The testimonies on the Amma Scandal site attacking me, which are now documented for the world to see, prove how low people are willing to stoop to protect their beliefs.
What the organization perhaps failed to consider is that I have in my possession numerous email and handwritten letters from many of these devotees and from all of the head swamis. What better way to defend myself than by sharing what some of these former friends had to say about me shortly after I left the organization.
For now, I will share an email from Radhika Nair, dated 12.1.1999.
My dearest Swamini Amma,
I do not know how to start. Partly, because I have so much to say and partly, because I do not know how to say it. Please forgive me if I say something wrong. Firstly, I miss you so very much. You are my sister and oddly my mummy too. I do not open up easily and not being born with a sister, you are probably the only person I felt comfortable talking to. As a mummy, you always took care of me all the time, feeding me, clothing me and lovingly advising me.
In spite of all the work and responsibilities you had on the tour, many a time, you physically nursed me through my episodes of back pains, leg injuries and colds. Now that my sister and mummy are both physically and mentally drained, I feel sad and lost that I cannot serve and take care of you, or, express my love and appreciation for you. You have been my constant inspiration and aspiration. I have always secretly aspired to be just like you. Your noble qualities of tyaga, dedication, shraddha , fairness, sound judgement, one-pointedness, loving and caring nature, and above all, always being a great listener, have been a source of my contemplation.
We are a family, a very big family. Like in all big families, there are a few sisters and brothers who are uncaring and unthinking. But, there are many of us who have only love for you. Please remain in our family, and let us try and share some of your agony, fear and helplessness. Being shocked and grieving, please give us a chance to do something right this time. The relationship you and Amma have is beyond anyone’s understanding. All I know is the despair, loss and helplessness you feel, Amma feels all of it too. She is also mentally drained. She told me that “Gayatri feels that Amma has not shown her any love, but Gayatri is a part of Amma. She has grown up on my shoulder”. Saying this, Amma broke down into tears and sobbed.
You are and always have been strong. Now it is due to your very bad astrological time lasting till June 2000, that you are going through this. It is perhaps fate and beyond your control. You will be very vulnerable too now. This time away in solitude and contemplation may remind you of all of us who love, respect, revere and adore you so dearly. Except for a handful, all in Amritapuri only know that you are taking this time off to be in silence, regain your physical health and write your book. So when you are ready, the welcome wagon is waiting and your room is beautiful.
On your 41st Birthday party, I felt ashamed and sad that Priya, KU and myself could only come up with that “dumb” poem on JOY. So here I am all alone going to make up a new poem for you. I am sure it will also turn out stupid, but this one is out of love.
JOY
Joy to you was in giving
In giving your heart and soul to Amma
In giving your body in the labor of love
In giving your hands by nourishing us all
In giving your smile by understanding our woes
In giving your mind by helping us with decisions
But, Joy goes around and comes back
So, Joy to you should also be in receiving
In receiving, give us a chance to give our hearts and soul to you
In receiving, give us a chance to give our love to you
In receiving, give us a chance to give our nourishment to you
In receiving, give us a chance to give our understanding to you
In receiving, give us a chance to help you, our favorite Swamini Amma, our dearest Sister and our loving Mummy.
With lots and lots of love and hugs,
Your “teddy bear” of a sister
Radhika Nair
P.S. I am at AIMS with KU. Again he has pains and is suspected as having Appendicitis. It is now 3:30 AM. Today, the tests will show if he needs surgery or not. Please, please E-Mail us back. I have never received a personal E-Mail yet. But, to keep it private, you may sign it as “mummy and Sister”. I love you.
KU want to send you an E-Mail too.
Dear Swamini Amma
I miss you very much. I wish you were here. I am very sick again. I had a check up again. The doctor said I have to have an operation. Please pray for me. Are you having fun, swimming and going for long walks? Is it snowing? I wish I were there to make a big snowman and have a snowball fight with you. I have to start school soon. I am glad that I got to send you an E-Mail. I wish the tour would start again and me, you, Swamiji and my dad and Amma would all be together again. Come back soon. I still have your Happy Birthday balloon. Priya will be very mad that I got to send you an E-Mail. Please send me an E-Mail and remember not to my sister.
I love you very much
From krishnanunni
like a trickster she mentioned “it is due to your very bad astrological time” ..
I am so glad that you spoke out.
I am going to order and read your book. I have done quite an expensive research on Yogi Bhajan, OSHO and few other cult leaders. Reading your book would be adding valuable info to that knowledge bank.
In near future I am going to create a worldwide alliance against cults/cult-like-organizations with the blessings for creator and power of truth and transparency.
Thank you again for writing this book.
Your past will always be at peace! remember that! not that I want to come across overtly as an atheist, but come on! take a deep breath, close your eyes and see for yourself!
to start with, it’s amazing you can speak malayalam! you took the time out to learn a different language.. and it does not stop there.. you followed a human preaching spirituality in a country across the ocean! .. Ugh.. what can I say but all you need to do is look inwards my dear fellow human, you were never alone! Look around, look upwards! If it does not dawn upon you.. well try again! we are all made of stars.. it takes a little bit of getting used to! Cheerio!
Great work indeed. I wish are pray that the rest of your life will be with the true God.
Hello,
I born and brought up in Kerala where this fake Amma practices nonsense using God’s name and poverty cultivated by corrupted Indian politicians. 20 years ago, I left that country for looking for a new life. I can understand what you have gone through and how easily western people can get trapped with the amma and guru nonsense from in India.
Thank you for sharing your experience and I hope the real God will send Amma to holly hell when she faces the reality after death.
God has given power and knowledge to each of the living entity in this earth to enlighten their life through identifying their own strength and weakness. No living entity in this world needs an Amma to learn and practice the real purpose of life.
As my earlier post was somewhat unintelligible, I have modified it.
I am terribly sorry that you must have been subjugated to very cruel treatments by the most wicked, macabre, wrong doers passing for saints having a big clout around them, being surveil worshippers aware of the surreptitious debauchery going on in the inner circles, but outwardly carrying a lot of respectability, being parasites thriving on the contributions of the honest money earners paying their taxes, but these holy hucksters cheating the Government by stashing their ill-begotten wealth in Swiss bank, asking people to take the vow of poverty, indoctrinating them into the vow of celibacy, but themselves being given to debauchery a lot. You should have had great moral courage in exposing such fraudsters, depicting them in their lowly moral light, depraved people inducing others into a life of depravity to pander to the needs of their companions being indulgence-starved people to be pandered to more and more indulgence using the instrument of innocent people.
The inner monitor and compunction of conscience in you has got the better of fear of punishment foretold by such tricksters holding people as captives by such threat as the insult heaped against the so called saints showing their true colors, utter moral turpitude, self-aggrandizement, intransigence, knavery, fraud, criminally of the worst kind, and libertinism as against their wanting their devotees to be celibates pure, indoctrinating them into that kind of subjugation, all hellish phenomena, would result in your spiritual ruin, a terrible curse, in bringing to the public light such sordid revelations. Your courage and honesty will be rewarded by the Divine Maker Whose Poetic Justice will ultimately prevail though now they are living slaphappy in their convenient cloaks and ivory towers of pseudo spirituality.
dear gail,
what you experienced at matt is quite natural. the matt is centre of all crimes. you know what happened to satnam singh.
the people from west are in search of spirituality due to the materialistic life they are living and fed up. instead of reaching the almighty God, they are going to these false gods who are just creations of the Almighty,
since the rich western people are going to all swamis and gurus, these frauds have found it as good chance to mint money. all politicians and big officers are supporting these frauds just because of the material benefits they are getting like money, sex etc. the biggest fraud in India was sai baba who forecasted that he will die at the age of 92. but he died in 86 itself. still these so called devotees are not trying to understand.whom to blame? who are the frauds? swamis or devotees?
dear ma’am, please search your inner sense to find the real God, the almighty. who has created the cosmos and all its contents including human. what is the purpose of the creation? what is the duty of man to Him? what will happen to man after death?
I think this search will lead you the real God.
I am thanking God for rescuing from the Holly Hell and pray to Him that He may rescue you from the real Hell after death.
thank you.
Dear Gail! I was touched by your interview telecasted on Utube and its shows, the pain you have gone through & still have not healed yet : very sorry!! I pray that you will get justice. I finished reading your book and am shocked that you were treated this way and there are many who are unable to share but suffer in silence. I salute to your “Bravery & Guts” to have the faith in GOD to get out and write this book. I will keep you in my Prayers.
Dear Gail, I was not surprised with the interview with Britas, as I have 25 yrs back told my wife, that these r fraud swamis. They indulge in nefarious activities like smuggling, arm business, narcotics etc as they r not checked in the airports with their fraud attire. A portion of the loot is also given to Govt for charity. India is ruled by fraud politicians. Our natural resources r given away to individuals for a quid pro quo. Congrts to you for escaping from this hell. God bless u.
Dear Gail, I sincerely appreciate the courage you took to shed light into the all activities in amritapuri. Though majority of amma’s so called ‘devotees’ will try to tarnish your image and question your sincerity, I strongly believe that more and more people will come out exposing these fraud gurus and their spiritual business empire. It’s just the matter of time. Unfortunately we live in a world where people don’t understand the feelings of a person who is physically abused and manipulated for years. It’s understandable to anyone why it took 15 years for you to get the courage to reveal this information. If you were an Indian woman, this would never come out. This Amma lobby is so powerful that even police won’t even lodge a case against them. They feel they have invincible power of divinity. They are real devils in disguise. May god bless you.
Dear Gail,
Your Book is much more than Telling truth aloud. It spreads light to the innermost thirst , search and peculiar tendecies of human soul in a spiritual journey. You have contributed wisdom of ‘ knowing thyself”. Despite of revelations you made, it is a good literary work. By introspecting the experinces you made your life meaningfull.
Kerala/INDIA is in election heat. So dont expect any action against hugging saint. As you might know religion and politics are intermingled here. Polititians bother more about votes than truth. Besides the Hugging saint have emerged Good will doing some social work and publicising it well.
Only God can teach you dear Gail. Don’t call anyone else Guru. God Bless you.
Kiran- one who loves Light
no chance to change………..
just atime pass to every one………
nothing will happend…
thank you gail
Thank you for telling the Truth. At least now, those who choose to follow her will at least be on alert when there…. Now that you ahve shared the Truth you are no longer alone baring the burden of all these horrid experiences. You are courageous, beautiful, and very admirable! Congrats and very well-written!
You know, I don’t know you from Eve :), and while I have friends who are into Amma, I’ve never made that connection. I’m a Zen girl. And, I thank you anyway. I know what courage it took to just follow through with the publication of the book, and allow for all the backlash. I recently got expelled from the zen community I was a founder and the first executive director of, by the will of the head teacher, for reasons I still don’t understand, were extremely hurtful, and based in a deep and unsubstantiated fear that startled me, and allowed me no way to respond. What I learned from that experience was that those who proclaim to love you unconditionally and also require your life’s energy are probably not the wisest people to throw your life’s energy at and trust unconditionally! I see in retrospect the poor decisions and blind trust that led to my weird fate. And, yet, this weird fate seems ultimately liberating, once you heal and rise above the muck of the pain, which takes time. You see the whole sad machine so much more clearly, and forgiveness is everywhere…Amma is 1000 times bigger than the teacher of the community I was a part of, so I cannot imagine what you are dealing with in response to the book you wrote, and I admire you fully for taking it on…and hope you have LOTS of means for self care during this time. I send you prayers and love, and gratitude.
Completed reading your book today.
Good work Ma’am.
Off-course, there are lot of things that were beyond imaginations & expectations, but was ‘not much’ surprised by many revelations you made. Being a person brought up in a town near to this infamous ‘math’, I personally feels that a hell lot of mysteries and crimes have not yet came into limelight. If you honestly have first hand knowledge about the crimes that are still sunken beneath the glorious history of this organization, do reveal the hidden legends for the justice of the sufferers and to save innumerable common men & women, who are yet to be suffered.
Gail,
I think you will get such a support that more than sudha mony gets if you don’t make change in your arguments
Sandeep virustec
Really appreciate your courage Gail.. Keep up the good work. 🙂
Have you not written or said anything good about those people in “hell” while you were there? If nothing good was there why were you there for so long. I’ve scant regards for the godmen and the same regards for the inside out back hand people.
Thank you Gail.
Dear Gail,
We salute your courage to bring out the truthand really sorry for all those things you have gone through. India is full of such money minting God men and godwoman. There were many such cheats who made thier foturne and there are many operating in various names and various religion and many such will come out of India in future . Can’t help it. Even with all the development in education and oppertunity to think out side the religious frame , you may find lot of followers for these people nationally or internationally. Because we all seek the easy way out and allow others to exploit us. Its is big net operated by some con men. These Babas , miracle healers , Ammas ; you name it they are all in every nook& corner of India. They keep on trapping millions of followers . It is just making money in God’s name.
Gail, my husband and I saw Amma’s Video online. We could only muse amongst ourselves that indeed there was something “off” going on, without clouded vision of being with a teacher or having dedicated our lives/money, to be with her. Having spent 6 years with a ‘guru’ in CA, I learned much about the guilt, pain, and mess one can be left with when one leaves a guru. I was looking at Amma because of two points; my mother saw her many times and pleaded with my husband and myself to go, and friends who have been involved with her when she comes to the states.
My husband and I after kept resisting invitations to visits, simply because when I left my teacher, it took years of therapy, dealing with the PTSD, nightmares, and threats I faced having left (so I fully understand the garbage they are doing to you online; I faced much the same plus a damnation: “you will have bad karma for the rest of your life, leaving me, your true guru”.
I wanted simply to say, that it was pretty clear just seeing the video you could ‘see’ the various sides of her that were NOT complementary, though I am sure the disciple’s will only see the ‘bliss and love’, conditioned to hear her words a particular way, and see the video in such a way that ‘enters them into bliss’ watching it; however we saw something else. We saw bullying, cold hard calculating, as well as a sharp business woman who knows how to get what she wants. Not that I expect all teachers or gurus to be imbeciles or even poor mendicants, it just did not have that ring of ‘bell of truth’ that comes from inside, that says “yes” this is coming from love!
Not knowing the mess you were in, I can say that when I saw your face, again I got what a true loving person you are, sincere and not at all the ‘stories’ I ended up reading on the AMMA scandal sites, accusing this, that and another, which is something I faced leaving my “guru” to the point I had to hide for 20 years to avoid, nastiness, harassment, etc.
I just wanted to let you know I support you and applaud you for having left, the courage to go, (and chances are with only the clothes on your back), and the wisdom to follow your OWN heart and Wisdom.
May you find the bliss and truth you deserve,
yours in love,
mary.
Gail,
I appreciate your courage. I have studied in amritapuri for 4 years and I felt something wrong with that place . People there believe blindly any rumours(that you are mentally unstable). Hope you are well and spend rest of your life peacefully and forget those bad days at amma…
Hi Gail
I salute you for your courage. At least you have the guts to speak the truth. I already know about all the sins being committed in these ashrams all over. An enlightened person does not acquire material things. Sex, money ,power and fame are for common people.
I am always with you.
Krishna
Dear Gail,
Really happy to see your picture on the Blog and to see you smiling. I can make out how much relieved you are. I and my family were associated with this so called spiritual organization for a long time and now completely out of its clutches for the past 12 years or so. And we got to hear a lot of things which now I think is very true. Hats of to you for showing the courage and bringing in to light the real picture of these so called saints.
I haven’t read your book so far but would buy and go through it very soon. Though most of the things that you have mentioned in your blog are the ones known to many in the outside world its just that you were strong enough to publish it and bring it to the notice of millions of people, while others feared for their lives and kept quiet. I support your move thoroughly and pray to the almighty to shower his blessings on you.
Great Work Gail ! Hope this will save future generations from such cults. Looking forward to the sequels of your book. Please start working on it……………..
Think how one can grow this much speedy? the real frauds are the well educated corporate swamis, who used her to grow them self internationally.Check the Sudhamani’s body language when she is entering into flight with her companians.It is sure that Tredwell’s memories are not suspective.learn before believing these types of ………………………
Thank you so much for posting – like you said, sometimes there has to be Truth-telling instead of silence when faced with false accusations. Perhaps the conscience of those who throw mud, will eventually prick them enough that they will join you in breaking free from clinging to falsehood.
It is a real race to the bottom now on Amma Scandal. To see which one of them can come up with the most outrageous lies in relation to you Gail. Radhika in her post on that blog inferring you are some sort of child abuser. No, I don’t think you would write this email above to a person whom you believed had abused your child. Another person online has referred to what these high up Amma supporters are doing as “sewer seva”. Yes, that about sums it up!
I’ve noticed that most of the Amma devotees are not ready to accept the truth about her. They are simply in denial. I also have first hand experience about Amma’s fraudulent activities. I do not doubt Gail even for a second. She has spoken the honest truth. I wish that the Indian government would investigate the corruption involved in the ashram’s organization and put Amma behind bars. I agree that it is a little difficult as Amma has tremendous social and political influence at this time, she has immense power in an evil sense.
You have escaped Gail, Remember the fate of Satnam Singh, the ‘Bihar youth who disrupted Mata Amritanandamayi’s prayer died of torture’. There are many other untold stories also.
http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/kerala-crime-branch-to-probe-youth-death-mata-amritanandamayi/1/212170.html
I think Gail is aware of Sudhamanis(amma) influence in politics and police. That is why she had fled away.